Her Most Valuable Possesion
by WritingForMySoul12
Summary: Evan Sophia Benson is Olivia's 14 year old daughter. What happens when a perp from the past decides to get revenge on Olivia by hurting the one she loves the most? Will Evan let her Mom and the squad help her? Or will she stay buried in her pain? Mother/Daughter Centric. Mature for graphic situations. *TRIGGERS*
1. Adjusting

**A/N: In honor of the return of SVU I decided to write this little piece. The idea has been floating around in my head for awhile. There will be a lot of sensitive subjects in this story such as... rape, self-harm and eating disorders.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't SVU or any of the Characters on the show. The show and the Characters belong to Dick Wolf. The only things I own are the characters I create and the plot.**

 **Chapter One**

"Evan, honey?! Hurry up!" Olivia called. She just finished setting out the milk and cereal for their breakfast.

Evan groaned and rolled over under her covers. She absolutely did not want to go to school today. But she knew her Mom wouldn't let her stay home. She kicked the covers off, stretched and got off the bed. Then she sleepily made her way to her bathroom. She stripped her clothes off, turned on the shower and hopped in. Once she was finished with her shower she slipped on a matching sweat set from Victoria Secret, some moccasins, ran a brush through her hair and put on some mascara and eyeliner. She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Good morning Mom." She said.

Olivia kissed Evan's forehead and stroked her cheek. "Good morning babe." She said. She sat down at the table and poured some cereal into her bowl and started eating. "I have to get to the station, so we really have to get a move on." She said after swallowing a mouthful of cereal.

"Kay..." Evan said.

"Hey, What's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing, I'll go wait in the car." Evan said. She scooped her backpack over her shoulder and headed for the door.

"You didn't even finish your breakfast!" Olivia said.

"I'm not hungry." Evan said. She pulled out her phone and popped her headphones into her ears before opening the door and stepping into the hallway. She headed to the elevator that lead to the car lot and sighed. She wished that they had never moved. She missed her friends and their old home. But she wanted her Mom to be happy. And with her Mom's promotion and increase in pay her Mom was very happy.

Olivia hopped into the car and started the engine. "I know it's only been a week, but just give it a chance. You'll make friends in no time." She said reassuringly.

Evan scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah right. It's not like _you_ had to give up your whole life!" She snapped.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Olivia asked. She was a little surprised by her daughter's attitude. Evan had always been an easy going child.

"I didn't asked to move here Mom!" Evan said. Her bottom lip trembled and she snatched the door open and slammed it.

"Evan..." Olivia sighed. She shook her head and decided to table it for later.

Evan made it inside the school and kept her head down all the way until she got to her locker. She hated her new school. Everyone knew who her Mom was and that made her a target. She was heading for her first period class when she tripped and fell.

"Watch where you're going Evan." The school bitch, Jenna sneered.

Evan got up and kept making her way towards her class. She didn't know what she had done to the girl personally but ever since they met Jenna had made it her mission to make her life a living hell. She sat during her classes, keeping to herself. She hadn't made any friends yet and Jenna had basically made her a social leper. She was starting to hate her life. At the end of the day, she was opening her locker when a folded piece of paper fluttered out. She picked it up and opened it and almost cried when she saw what it said:

'I'm watching you.'

Evan folded the note back up and shoved it into her backpack with her books. She tried to push the note out of her mind. She just thought Jenna and her friends were messing with her. She walked out of the school and waited on the steps for her Mom to pick her up.

Olivia had been running late. She arrived with tires screeching in front of the school. "Hi baby, I'm so sorry I'm late." She said as she watched Evan climb into the car.

Evan grunted in response.

"How was your day?" Olivia asked.

"It was fine." Evan said.

"Ok, you need to talk to me. You haven't been yourself all day." Olivia said.

"I'm just tired." Evan said.

Olivia sighed but decided not to push Evan to talk. They had always had a very close bond so she knew Evan would come to her when she was ready.

When they got home they went to their own rooms to get comfortable before dinner.

Evan listened for a few moments to make sure Olivia wouldn't be coming to check on her anytime soon, then she lifted up her mattress and pulled out a razor. She had been secretly cutting herself for a year now. She rolled up her sweat shirt sleeve and started cutting into the flesh of her upper arm. She sighed in relief as she watched the blood pool to the surface and ooze out. It was just what she needed after a shitty day.


	2. Saturday

**Chapter Two**

The next morning Evan woke up to a wet feeling on her arm. "Fuck!" She realized she forgot to bandage her cuts before bed and she bled through her long sleeve shirt. She got out of bed and rushed into her bathroom where she cleaned off the dried blood, applied some ointment and put on some gauze and tape. She brushed her teeth and washed her face before leaving her bathroom. She sat on her bed and opened her laptop and turned on some music. It was Saturday and all she wanted to do was nothing. She started thinking about the note again when her Mom knocked on her door before coming in.

"Hey babe, you're up early for a Saturday." Olivia said. She kissed Evan's forehead and stroked her hair. She sat on the side of Evan's bed just staring at her.

"...What?" Evan said.

"I have the day off today. Do you want to go out in do something?" Olivia asked.

"Every time we make plans on your so called days off, you just end up getting called in." Evan said. Not only was the move hard on her, she was missing her Mom.

"Honey, I'm sorry. But I'm the boss, so if I have to go in...then there's nothing I can do." Olivia said. She knew part of Evan's attitude was the fact they hadn't gotten much time together and she wanted to start making up for it today.

"Yeah, I get it. Ok?" Evan said.

Olivia sighed. "How about we go to the corner store, get a bunch of junk and watch movies all day?" She asked.

Evan's eyes lit up. She didn't feel like going anywhere and nothing sounded better to her than eating junk and unlimited cuddles with her Mom. "Ok. Let's go!" She hopped off the bed but didn't get very far when Olivia pulled her back and onto her lap.

"I love you." Olivia said.

"I love you too Mom." Evan said.

"I know the move was hard and you miss your friends but I hope you'll give this place a chance." Olivia said.

Evan sat up and hopped off her Mom's lap. "That's easy for you to say! You see your friends everyday at work! _You_ didn't have to give up shit!" She said.

Olivia stood up and got into Evan's personal space. "Hey, enough! I get it. You're having a hard time adjusting but I did what was best for us. Your friends are more than welcome to come over here and you can go see them. Our home is bigger and the school you go to is better. I want you to cut the attitude." She said. She moved over to the door and looked back at her daughter. "I'm sorry the move hasn't been easy on you, but let's just enjoy our day together."

Evan sighed and nodded. She had to admit she was being a brat about the whole thing. "I'm sorry." She said.

"It's ok, babe. You're still my number one." Olivia said.

"Let's go my tummy is demanding snacks and ice cream!" Evan said. She moved over to her dresser and slipped on some yoga pants after taking off her pajama pants, then stepped into some UGGS. "I'm ready!" She said.

Olivia shook her head and grabbed her keys out of the bowl. "You goofball!" Now her daughter was someone she could recognize. They decided to walk to the store since it was on the corner. They walked arm and arm and talked and laughed. When they got into the store Olivia told Evan to go pick out whatever she wanted.

Evan headed down the aisle's filling her basket with chips, popcorn, cookies, drinks and when she got to the cold section she grabbed three different tubs of ice cream. She met her Mother in the front to pay.

Olivia eyed the basket. "Did you get anything for me?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Um...yeah sure Mom!" Evan laughed.

"Detective Benson!" Someone called from behind them.

Olivia whirled around with a smile, which quickly fell when she saw Brent Latimer standing in front of her. She moved to stand in front of Evan. "Who the hell let you out, you son of a bitch?!" She said.

"I got out for good behavior." Brent said with his ever present smirk. He looked over at Evan. "You're a Mommy?" He asked.

"Take one step closer to my daughter and I will shoot you!" Olivia warned. She always had her gun and badge on her.

Brent held up his hands. "No need to get all defensive." He said. He turned and walked out of the store.

"Mom? Who was that?" Evan asked. Something about the guy gave her the creeps.

"Someone I arrested a long time ago." Olivia said.

Evan nodded. She didn't ask anymore questions. She knew her Mom didn't really like talking about her job with her.

"Let's pay for this stuff and go home." Olivia said trying to lighten the mood. She paid and then rushed Evan out the door. To say she was a little rattled was an understatement. She rushed Evan out of the shop and when they got home, she told Evan to set everything up while she made a quick phone call.

Evan just finished adding another movie to the stack she picked out when her Mom came out of the office. "I was about to start without you." She said.

"Sorry babe. I'm all yours." Olivia said. She sunk into the couch cushions and grabbed a bag of chips.

Evan sat on the couch with her and laid on her shoulder. "It's ok." She said. She picked up the remote and pressed play.

"What are we watching?" Olivia asked.

"Snow White and the Huntsman." Evan said. She reached for one of the tubs of ice cream and dug in with her spoon. 'What a perfect Saturday.' She thought.


	3. Secrets Revealed

**Chapter Three**

After Brent left the cornerstore with his new information, he hopped in a taxi and headed to Queens. He walked a couple blocks away from the subway station and walked inside of a run down looking apartment complex, walked up three flights of stairs and entered apartment 3B with his key.

"You'll never believe what I found out." Brent said walking into the kitchen and grabbing a beer.

"You found her?" Lowell called from the living room.

"Yeah and get this, she has a kid." Brent said.

"Really? Was the bitch rattled?" Lowell asked.

"Yeah, she looked pretty pissed when she turned around and saw me." Brent said.

"Perfect. So, how old is the kid?" Lowell asked.

"She looks about 13, 14." Brent said with a shrug. He took another swig of his beer and put it on the coffee table.

"The kid definitely changes things..." Lowell said with an evil look on his face.

"Whatever it takes to bring that bitch down! If she had just butted out I never would have lost Mia." Brent said.

* * *

The following Monday...

"I hate it so much!" Evan said plopping on her bed next to her best friend. "She's always at work. Even though this promotion was supposed to give her more time to be with me."

"Your Mom loves you more than anything in this entire world Evie." Harlem said.

"Yeah, well I sure as hell can't tell." Evan said with a roll of her eyes.

"I know not being next door sucks, but shit look at this place. Your room is bigger, you have your own bathroom and that balcony view is breathtaking." Harlem said.

"Whatever." Evan scoffed.

"I do miss you though." Harlem said.

"Me too. Let's not wait so long before hanging out, yeah?" Evan said.

"Duh...now let's do our homework before your Mom comes home." Harlem said pulling her books out.

'If she comes home.' Evan thought.

Olivia got in past midnight and the first thing she did was peek in on her daughter. She pushed open the door and watched her daughter sleep for a few moments before moving into the room and kissing her on her forehead and pulling the blankets under her chin. "I'm sorry baby girl." She said softly before leaving the room.

The next morning Evan got up earlier and got ready, before slipping out of the house and going to school early. She wanted to avoid her Mom. She couldn't believe her Mom had never made it home the night before and she didn't call or anything. She was on the last bus stop before reaching her school when her phone went off.

Mom: Where are you?

Evan: Almost at school...not like you care.

Evan locked her screen and shoved her phone into her pocket. After a few minutes, while she was scrolling through her songs her phone went off yet again.

Mom: Baby, I am sorry :(

Evan: You're always sorry Mom!

Mom: I had to be there honey.

Evan: That's fucking bullshit! Uncle Fin and Aunt Amanda know how to hold down the fort without you!

Mom: I was the only one that the victim would talk to.

Evan: Yet again, your job is more important than me!

Mom: Evan, you know that's not true...

Evan: FUCK YOU MOM JUST FUCK YOU!

With that Evan powered off her phone, shoved it in her pocket and hopped off the bus. She stormed into the school, entered in the combination to her locker and snatched it open. She grabbed her books for her first and second periods and started making her way towards her class. She was almost there until Jenna and her posse got in her way. "Today is not the day to fuck with me Jenna." She said.

"OOO someone call the cops..." Jenna said.

"I'm warning you, fuck off!" Evan snapped.

"What are you gonna do about it Evan?" Jenna sneered. "Call your Mommy to arrest me?"

Evan screamed and threw her books on the ground. Then she tackled Jenna and started punching her anywhere she could reach. She was so mad at her Mom and tired of Jenna picking on her she just lost it. Before she knew it she was being pulled off of Jenna by security. "Get the fuck off me!" She said. She took off down the hall for the bathrooms and locked herself in a stall. She dug around in her purse before finding a blade. She hurriedly pushed up her sleeve and began cutting into her flesh. She cut herself up like a turkey on a carving board on Thanksgiving. When she was done she felt like she could breathe. She held a tissue to her arm and let herself cry. When she was sure the bleeding stopped she cleaned up as best she could and left the bathroom. She didn't make it far before security found her again and hauled her off towards the principal's office.

Olivia headed towards the principal's office with her stomach twisting in knots. Evan had never been in trouble before. She knocked on the door and let herself in. "Evan..." She said with a sigh.

Evan could barely look at her Mom.

Olivia sat in the chair next to her and waited for the principal to speak.

"Hello, Ms. Benson I'm Principal Brink." The older woman said holding out her hand.

"I'm sorry to be meeting you under these circumstances." Olivia said.

"I am as well." Principal Brink said. "We take fights very seriously here at Roosevelt High."

"I understand." Olivia said with a nod.

"Usually this is grounds for expulsion." Principal Brink said.

Olivia's eyes went wide. She started praying that the principal wasn't about to expel her daughter.

"But since this is Evan's first offence, I am willing to suspend her for two weeks and put it in her file." Principal Brink said.

"Thank you and Evan will never do anything like this again." Olivia said promisingly. She shook the principal's hand again and headed towards the door. "Let's go." She said to Evan.

They got in the car and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"I'm waiting..." Olivia said as she swerved the car through the traffic.

Evan said nothing. She just looked out the window and watched the scenery whizz by.

"Evan Sophia Benson, I am talking to you!" Olivia said.

Evan turned around and looked at her Mom. "WHAT?!" She snapped.

"Do not 'what' me right now." Olivia said.

"Leave me alone." Evan said. The second the car stopped she hopped out and headed up to the apartment. She slammed the door and rushed into her room. She had just closed her bedroom door and rolled up her sleeve to cut again when her Mom walked in.

"What?! What are you?! How long have you been doing this?! " Olivia rushed over and took a closer look at Evan's arm. "Baby, talk to me please." She said.

"Get out! Get the fuck out and just go to work like you always fucking do!" Evan screamed. She pulled away from her Mom and threw her hairbrush at her.

Olivia didn't budge, in fact she moved over to Evan and pulled her into her arms. "I'm sorry baby! I'm sorry! I know you hate me right now but I'm not leaving."

"This is all your fault!" Evan cried. She pushed against her Mom and punched her but her Mom wouldn't let go. After a few minutes she gave up.

"I'm here baby girl, I'm here." Olivia said wiping her own tears. She moved them over to the bed and laid down with her daughter. "We're going to take a nap and then we're going to talk."


	4. To Forget You

**A/N: So this chapter may require a Kleenex...**

 **Chapter Four**

Olivia woke up with Evan still in her arms. She kissed her head and leaned over to check the cuts on her arm. The tears were flowing just from the sight of the red angry marks and the scars that marked her baby's olive skin. After letting herself stare at the cuts and take it all in she wiped her tears and decided it was time to wake Evan up. She shook her shoulder lightly. "Wake up little one." She said.

Evan stretched and nuzzled further against Olivia. "Do I have to?" She muttered.

"Yes, we have to have a talk." Olivia said.

Evan sat up when she realized her sleeve was rolled down and her Mother was holding onto her wrist. She never expected to get caught after a year and she didn't know what to say. She pulled her hand free and held both her hands into her lap.

Olivia sat up and moved to sit beside her. "How long have you been cutting yourself sweetheart?" She asked.

"A year." Evan mumbled.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"I said a year!" Evan yelled.

Olivia felt like she wanted to throw up, grab her daughter and just shake her her and pull her into her arms and never let her go all at once. "Why?" She asked. It was the only thing that would come out of her mouth.

"Because..." Evan said.

"Because? Because?!" Olivia shot off the bed and began to pace the floor. She had to pinch the bridge of her nose before she really lost it. "Your attitude towards me and your actions today have been unacceptable young lady!" She said, raising her voice.

"Whatever." Evan said.

"Whatever?! You got suspended for two weeks Evan! You cussed at me and you got in a fight! You do not behave like this!" Olivia was seconds away from losing it.

Evan scoffed. She knew she was pushing it but she was pissed off too. "You would have to actually be around to know how I behave!" She yelled. She shot off the bed and stormed into her bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind her. She leaned against the door and slid down until she was on the tiled floor.

Olivia had to count to ten. She had to count to ten or she was going to rip the door off the hinges and wring her daughters neck. Of course she wouldn't actually do that but that's how she felt. And she had never laid a hand on Evan her whole life. So, she counted to ten and took a deep breath. "Evan, come out here, please." She said.

Evan almost told her Mother to go fuck herself, but she thought better of it. She took a breath before standing up and unlocking the door. She swung the door open and stood in the frame.

"Come here." Olivia said.

Evan slowly left the safety of her bathroom until she was standing within arms reach of Olivia.

"I need you to talk to me." Olivia said reaching for Evan's hands. "I need you to help me understand why you're cutting and why you're acting like this."

"Do you remember last year when you had to work around the clock during that sex trafficking case?" Evan asked.

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded.

"You were supposed to come home early, you missed my birthday..." Evan said softly.

"Baby, I said I was sorry." Olivia said. Evan's birthdays were so special to her she had always made them a big deal because Evan was her little miracle.

"I know but you never missed my birthday before and that was the first time I felt like your job was more important than me...so after you text and told me not to wait up and to order some dinner, I hopped in the shower. I was shaving my legs and I nicked myself, but then I just watched the blood ooze out and spill over, I was in a trance. I forgot how sad I was that you missed my birthday. And after that I started cutting almost everyday. And the more time you spent at work the more times I cut because you weren't here and when I was cutting I forgot how much I hated your job. Then I started cutting for everything else." Evan said.

Olivia's heart was broken. She didn't understand how she could miss how much more time she had been spending at work. She kneeled down in front of Evan and looked up at her. "Honey, I'm so sorry. You're my number one. What can I do? Do you want me to quit? I'll give it up right now!" She said.

"You can't quit. Your job is important and you're good at it." Evan said with a small smile.

"You're my number one." Olivia said. "We're going to get through this."

"I guess." Evan said.

"You guess?" Olivia said standing to her feet and looking down at her child.

"You didn't come home last night either and you didn't even call or text me." Evan said looking at the carpet.

Olivia pulled her into her arms. "I'm sorry baby girl."

"It's OK Mom." Evan said hugging her Mom back.

"You're grounded for the next two weeks. No Tv, no friends and no going anywhere but home and the station. We're going to be spending a lot of time together. " Olivia said.

"I guess that's fair." Evan said with a sigh. Now that her Mother knew about her cutting she didn't know what to expect. And she also knew she didn't want to stop. She couldn't.

"What are you thinking about?" Olivia asked.

"Are you gonna make me stop?" Evan asked.

"I...I want to but I know it would only make things worse. But I will be checking your arms and I want you to give me everything you're cutting with and if you feel like cutting, I want you to talk to me." Olivia said.

Evan nodded, she was already forming a plan. "Ok." She simply said.


	5. Plans put into Action

**A/N: Drama kicks off in this chapter and the story is gonna start to pick up.**

 **Chapter Five**

The second day of Evan's suspension, Olivia had to be at the station early, so she got Evan up with her. "Bring something to keep yourself busy." She said after her daughter finally rolled out of bed.

"Mom, you act like this is the first time I'm going to the station with you." Evan said. She packed her phone, tablet, journal and a book into a bag and slung the strap over her shoulder.

"Do you have any homework you need to work on?" Olivia asked.

"No, I stayed up last night and did it all." Evan said. She figured she might as well since she was suspended and grounded for the next two weeks.

"Good, you won't be so behind when you go back." Olivia said.

Evan nodded. Under the circumstances she was happy to be spending all this extra time with her Mom but she wasn't too keen on spending the day at the station. She couldn't believe she had messed up so badly. If she had just kept her cool her Mom never would have found out about the cutting. She wanted to smack herself for being so reckless.

"Let's go." Olivia said. She held the door open and locked it behind them and lead the way to the elevators. Things still felt a bit unresolved and she wasn't sure how to address it with Evan. She cleared her throat to get Evan's attention, "Do you...cut everyday?"

Evan's eyes bulged. "What?!" She couldn't believe her Mom was asking her this.

"Honey, please tell me..." Olivia begged. The images of the cuts were still fresh in her mind. And knowing her daughter had done it because of her, killed her.

Evan bit her lip and looked down. She was about to say something until the elevator door popped open to the garage and someone stepped to the side to let them out. She sighed in relief and raced over to the car.

Olivia sighed and pouted. Evan had never kept a secret from her. Ever. And now there's a year's worth of pain she had kept to herself.

They climbed into the car silently and headed for the station.

"Maybe I should find you someone to talk to." Olivia said as she merged into the traffic.

"I don't need to talk to anyone!" Evan argued.

"You're not talking to me!" Olivia said. She squeezed the steering wheel tightly as she pulled up to the station. She turned off the ignition and turned in her seat to face her daughter. "I have seen many things in my years of being a SVU detective. Really, God awful things. But nothing was more horrifying than seeing what you had done to yourself, what you were about to do. There's this wall between us now and it hurts." She said quietly. Tears pricked her eyes and she sniffed and cleared her throat.

"I just...I was so mad at you! I've been so mad at you! And now I don't know how to talk to you anymore." Evan said. She shook her head as tears of her own came to the surface. She roughly opened the door and hopped out of the car.

Olivia wiped her eyes and got out of the car and followed Evan into the station. She reached for her hand in the elevator and her heart shattered when Evan snatched away from her. "Go sit in my office while I catch up with the squad ok?" She said trying not to cry.

"Yeah...whatever." Evan said. She walked through the squad room and headed straight into her Mother's office without saying a word to anyone.

Amanda watched Evan disappear into the office before turning to face Olivia, "What's rabbit doing here?" She asked.

"She got suspended." Olivia said.

"What?! Evan has never been in trouble her whole life." Amanda said.

"I know!" Olivia snapped.

"Sorry, Liv." Amanda said. "Anything I can do?"

"No...just...no." Olivia said. She didn't feel like diving into everything right now and she hoped Amanda would get the hint.

"Anyway...Fin, Carisi and Dodds Junior are out on calls and I'm catching up on paperwork." Amanda said.

"Ok, well I'll be in my office if you need me." Olivia said. When she walked into the office, she glanced at Evan who was sprawled out on the couch tapping away on her phone with her headphones in her ears. She decided to leave her alone for a couple of hours and get some work done.

* * *

 _Meanwhile..._

Brent and Lowell sat in an unmarked van down the street from the station.

"Are you sure this is the day?" Brent asked rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

"Hey, we have spent days watching her. It's the perfect opportunity to snatch the kid." Lowell said.

"But do you really think she will do everything we say?" Brent asked.

"Oh yeah, she will." Lowell said.

Now all they needed to do was wait...

* * *

After a few hours of listening to music, playing games and reading on her tablet, Evan was starting to get bored. She sat up and pulled her headphones out of her ears. "Mom?" She called.

Olivia looked up from the open file on her desk and gave Evan her full attention. "Hmm?"

"I'm hungry." Evan said.

Olivia tapped her iPhone and looked at the time. "I guess it's time for lunch." She said. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out her purse. She dug around before pulling out her wallet. "Why don't you go to the cafe across the street and get us both something?" She said pulling out some cash and handing it over.

Evan took the cash and stuck it in her pocket. "Thanks Mom." She said.

"Evan, come right back." Olivia said sternly.

"I got it." Evan said. She popped her headphones into her ears and headed for the elevators. When she stepped outside she looked both ways before crossing the street to the cafe. She walked in and ordered her Mother and herself some food and waited. Once the food was ready she paid and headed outside and bumped into someone. "Sorry, I didn't see you." She said with a smile. She looked up, her smile faded and she took a step back. "Hey, I've-"

"Shut the fuck up and get in the van." Brent said. He pressed the gun in his pocket against her abdomen.

Evan looked around and opened her mouth to scream. There was no way she was letting herself get kidnapped or anything when a building full of cops was right across the street!

"Don't even think about it." Brent said. He grabbed her by the back of the neck and shoved her into the open backseat door.

Once the doors were shut Lowell took off with tires screeching.

Evan was scared. All she wanted was her Mom. "Let me go! My Mom is a cop!" She shouted.

"Shut up!" Brent snapped.

"Cool it man." Lowell said. He looked at Evan through the rearview mirror. "That's not how you talk to our special guest."

Evan looked away. She tried to take in details about the inside of the van. She remembered her Mom always saying that every little detail helped. Then she remembered she had her phone on her. She slipped her phone out of her pocket and glanced up to make sure they weren't watching before she unlocked her phone and opened her messages app and started a text message to her Mom.

"Hey! Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" Lowell shouted as he looked over his shoulder. "Shit! She has a phone!"

Brent reached around and snatched the phone away from her and chucked it out the window.

All Evan was able to send was, _Mommy 911!_


	6. Words she Never Wanted to Hear

**A/N: No one came after me with burning torches and pitchforks for allowing Evan to get kidnapped...Phew! :). TRIGGER WARNING: Slight physical violence.**

 **Chapter Six**

Evan had cried herself to sleep not long after Brent chucked her phone out the window. She woke up when she felt the van come to a sharp stop and heard the door open.

"Get out." Brent said grabbing her by her upper arm and snatching her from the van.

"Wh-Where are we?" Evan asked while Brent drug her up some crummy stairs.

"Don't ask questions princess." Lowell said.

Evan knew these guys were capable of hurting her, even killing her so she shut up.

Lowell unlocked the door to the apartment and Brent shoved Evan inside.

"Now what do we do with her?" Brent asked.

"For now...just put her in the room." Lowell said.

Brent took Evan down the hall and into a room. It was completely empty except for a mattress against the wall and a chain bolted to the floor. He threw Evan onto the bed and quickly chained her ankle with the cuff and lock. "Don't get any ideas about screaming for help, if you do I'll snap your neck." He warned before leaving the room and locking her inside.

Evan sat on the bed against the wall with her knees pulled up to her chest and cried. She prayed that her Mom would find out she was missing soon.

* * *

Olivia was going through some paperwork when there was a knock on her door. "Come in." She said not looking up from the paper she was signing.

"Hey Liv..." Amanda said looking around the office. "Where's rabbit?" She asked.

Olivia tapped her iPhone and checked the time. "She went to the café across the street about...thirty minutes ago. She should've actually been back by now." She said. She tried not to go all "mama lion" as Evan put it and immediately panic. She unlocked her phone and called Evan, she had half a mind to ground the girl for life when she was sent directly to her voicemail. "Evan Sophia Benson, you better be walking through the door in the next three minutes or else!" She said before hanging up.

"She wouldn't just sneak off Liv." Amanda said.

"I don't know what she would or wouldn't do right now Manda." Olivia said sighing.

"I noticed something was up with the two of you since you got off the elevator this morning." Amanda said.

"Your niece got suspended for fighting." Olivia said.

"Rabbit? Fighting, really?" Amanda was just as surprised as Olivia had been when she got the call.

"Yes! And..." Olivia started to tell Amanda about the cutting but she had to cut herself off before she burst into tears.

"What? C'mon Liv I know that's not all." Amanda said.

Olivia was about to tell Amanda everything when her phone rang. "Benson...we'll be right there." She said before hanging up and pushing away from her desk.

"What we got?" Amanda asked standing and following behind Olivia.

"Someone reported a kidnapping at the café." Olivia said.

"They're getting bolder and bolder, snatching kids in the middle of the day." Amanda said shaking her head.

"Maybe that's what's holding Evan up." Olivia said. The closer they got to the café, she had this niggling feeling that something was wrong. Call it a gut feeling or maternal instinct. But something wasn't right.

"Olivia!" The café owner,Louise, rushed up to Amanda and Olivia.

"Did anyone see anything?" Olivia asked pulling out her notepad and pen.

Louise was about to respond but was interrupted.

"Liv?!" Fin called. He walked over to Olivia and Amanda with an evidence bag in his hand.

Olivia waited patiently for Fin to fill her in.

"You need to sit down baby girl..." Fin said.

"Have you seen Evan?" Olivia asked. That nagging feeling was getting worse to the point of making her nauseas. "Did you send her back to the station?"

"Liv?!" Fin snapped. He didn't mean to but Olivia wasn't making it any easier for him to tell her what he needed to say. "You need to sit down." He said again slowly.

"No I don't! I need you to tell me what the hell you know so we can return the missing kid to his or her parents and arrest the son of a bitch who did it!" Olivia said.

The next words out of Fin's mouth made Olivia pass out.

"Olivia...it's Evan." Fin said. "Someone... took Evan."

When Olivia came to, she was propped up in Amanda's lap. She tried to hold onto her denial but she knew from the look on Amanda's face that it was true.

"C'mon Liv let me take you home." Amanda said softly.

"No! I need to find her!" Olivia said getting up.

"Liv, you know you can't work this." Fin said.

"But, I'm her Mother! I was right across the fucking street!" Olivia said pointing at the station diagonally across from where they were standing, as her voice cracked and tears began flowing down her face.

"We found her phone a block away, TARU recovered a text message she sent but it failed to deliver, you didn't get it." Fin said.

Olivia wrapped her hands in the collar of Fin's shirt. "What did it say?!"

"Liv..." Fin said softly.

"Tell me God dammit!" Olivia demanded.

"Aight...chill out Liv." Fin said. "It said...Mommy 911."

"But... I called her before we got the call to come over here and it went to voicemail!" Olivia said loosening her grip on Fin's shirt and bursting into tears.

"It ran outta juice baby girl..." Fin said.

Amanda pulled Olivia against her. "I'm gonna take her home." She said.

"Call me if you need anything." Fin said before heading back inside to see if anyone else saw anything.

* * *

"Knock, knock." Lowell said before letting himself into the room. He placed a plate with a sandwich and some chips on the bed and then stood in the room staring at Evan for a few moments. She looked like her Mother and he was starting to get excited about the fun he could have with her.

Evan looked at the plate and back up at Lowell and scowled. She was not about to eat that. It could be poisoned for all she knew!

"Eat up princess, wouldn't want your Mom to think I'm not taking care of you." Lowell said.

"Leave my Mom out of this!" Evan snapped. The sting of a hard slap was unexpected. Tears formed in her eyes without her permission as she bit her lip.

"You will learn to show me some respect!" Lowell yelled in her face. He moved some of Evan's hair behind her ears and stroked her cheek. "Look what you made me do." He said in a hushed tone.

Evan snatched back from him and spit in his face. And even though she expected the backhand to her face she still slumped over on impact.

"Fine! If you can't learn to respect me, let's see how a couple of days without food changes your mood princess. Besides you could lose a few pounds anyways!" Lowell said before slamming the door behind him.

"Mommy, please help me..." Evan whimpered.

* * *

Olivia was a hot mess as more time ticked by. She was in Evan's bed staring at the picture of the two of them that was on her nightstand.

"Liv...you want me to order some food?" Amanda asked.

"You can order some for yourself if you want, I'm not hungry." Olivia said in a hoarse voice.

"We'll get her back Liv." Amanda said reassuringly.

"You know, when Evan was born...it was the happiest day of my life. I never thought I would get to be a Mother and here she was this tiny, perfect little miracle, just for me...the moment they placed her in my arms I told her she was my number one and I did all I could to make sure she knew it. But somehow along the way work took the front seat. I missed her birthday last year, I missed parent/teacher meetings, Volleyball games and she spent half of Thanksgiving alone because I just couldn't say no. And I must have really fucked up because my baby started cutting herself and I didn't notice..." Olivia said so quietly. "So, I hope to God you're right Amanda, that we do get her back, because I have a lot of making up to do with that kid and I need her..." She said as her voice cracked and broke and her silent tears became sobs.

"Oh, honey!" Amanda said. She pulled Olivia into a hug and just held her while tears of her own fell down her face. She prayed that they got Evan back because she knew if they didn't Olivia wouldn't make it.


	7. Missing: Day One

**A/N: TRIGGERS**

 **Chapter Seven**

The next time Evan opened her eyes it was the next day. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to believe when she opened them again she would wake up in her room. But when her eyes opened, she wasn't and she burst into tears. She didn't know why the men took her nor was it on her list of priorities of finding out why. All she wanted was to see her Mother again.

* * *

Olivia looked like a wreck when she walked into the station. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had bags and dark circles under them. All you had to do was look at her and you could tell she didn't sleep a wink the night before.

Fin looked up from his computer when he saw Olivia walk in from the corner of his eye. He stood up from his desk and walked over to Olivia. "Hey, you didn't have to come in today." He said softly. He reached out and squeezed her hand.

"I know but I couldn't be at home anymore." Olivia said hoarsely.

"Liv, you can't work this. You know that." Fin said.

"I know, I know but I have to do _something_ Fin. That's my baby." Olivia said. Her eyes were already starting to get watery.

"Hey, C'mon, you know Sophie means the world to all of us." Fin said.

"She'd kick your ass if she heard you call her Sophie." Olivia chuckled.

"She loves it." Fin said he said with a grin.

Olivia smiled along and then her face fell. "Anything?" She asked.

"We just got the tapes from the café and TARU is watching them right now." Fin said.

"Ok...well...I'll uh go to my office and try to get some things done." Olivia said squeezing Fin's arm and heading towards her office.

* * *

Lowell and Brent burst into the room with a small table, a laptop and a camera.

"Good morning princess." Lowell said.

Evan decided to keep her mouth shut. Her swollen and busted lip was all the reminder she needed not to piss Lowell off.

Brent started setting up the equipment under Lowell's instructions.

Lowell kneeled down in front of Evan and unlocked the cuff attached to her ankle. "I'm gonna let you clean up, you wanna look your best for the little video we're gonna make for your Mom." He said. He pulled her up and lead her out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom. "Everything you need is in there and there's an outfit on the back of the door. You have twenty minutes or I'm coming in after you. And don't try any funny business."

Evan sighed and closed the door, glad to have some barrier between her and that creep. She looked around and cussed when she saw the only window was higher than she could reach and smaller than her. She used the bathroom and looked around for something to pick the lock with later but she came up empty handed. "Dammit!" She said under her breathe.

"Hey! Hurry up! And make yourself look nice." Lowell said.

Evan turned on the shower, got in and washed her hair and the rest of her body. It was the quickest shower she had ever taken. When she stepped out she dried herself off and moved to put on the clothes Lowell had picked out for her. She frowned when she found a blue negligee and a matching thong. Tears silently flowed down her cheeks as she got dressed. She knew even if she got out of this alive, she was about to become what her Mother feared most. A victim. She couldn't go out like that though. After all she was Olivia Benson's daughter. She yanked open the door and made a run for it. She was almost to the door when she felt arms around her waist. "No! Noooo!" She wailed.

Lowell put her down and punched her in the face. "Don't try that again!" He shouted.

Evan held a hand over her eye and sobbed quietly.

Lowell took her back into the room and threw her on the bed, before cuffing her again. "Now, we're gonna make a little video of our time together." He said.

Brent turned on the camera. "We're on." He said.

Lowell sat by Evan on the bed and kissed her on the lips and stroked her face. "Hello, Detective Benson. I think I have something that belongs to you." He said. He wrapped one hand in the hair at the back of Evan's head and tugged. Then he ran his free hand up Evan's thigh and cupped her area through the thong. "Don't worry, I'm taking good care of her. I'll give her back when I'm done with her."

"Mommy!" Evan cried out.

* * *

Amanda stood in the doorway of Olivia's office and watched Olivia stare blankly at the open file on her desk. "Liv, you should go home."

"It's so quiet without her there Manda. The saying is true, you never miss something until it's gone." Olivia said.

"Hey! Don't talk like that." Amanda said moving into the room. "We will find her." She said before pulling Olivia into a hug.

When Olivia got home she scooped up the pile of mail that had come through the slot and started sorting through it. She tossed the bills aside for later and opened up Evan's report card, she smiled slightly when she saw all the A's and B's. "Good job baby." She said. She moved into the kitchen and stuck it on the fridge. She sat back down on the couch in the living room and scooped up the rest of the mail when something fell in her lap. Her eyes grew wide when she saw "WATCH ME" on the packaging. She hurriedly opened the DVD and put it in the player and turned on the TV. She burst into tears when she saw Evan sporting a black eye. Her blood stopped cold when she saw Lowell beside her, running his hand up her thigh and cupping her area. "You bastard!" She screamed at her television.

"Hello, Detective Benson. I think I have something that belongs to you. Don't worry, I'm taking good care of her. I'll give her back when I'm done with her." Lowell said while he began to rub Evan.

Olivia almost threw the remote through the TV but she forced herself to watch. She heard her daughter cry out for her and she almost threw up.

"We're going to enjoy our time together. She looks so much like you, she acts like you too. She tried to make a run for it, but I got her back in line." Lowell said. "She's so soft and warm." He moaned as he slipped his fingers inside of Evan's underwear then pulled them out and licked his fingers.

Olivia couldn't bear to watch anymore, she tore into her bathroom and violently lost her stomach contents. After she pulled herself together she packed up the DVD and headed back to the station. "Someone better tell how the hell Lowell Harris got out and I want to find out NOW!" She shouted as soon as she walked into the room.

"Hey, I thought you went home." Fin said rushing over to her.

"I did go home Fin. I found this in the mail." Olivia said holding up the DVD.

"What's on it?" Fin asked. Although he could tell from Olivia's reaction it had something to do with Evan.

"Lowell Harris has her! Fin...he was touching her! She had a black eye and she was dressed in a negligee..." Olivia said. Tears began to flow.

Fin took the DVD from Olivia and handed it off to another officer. "We'll find her Liv."

"What if it's too late?" Olivia asked shakily.

"Then we'll help her heal." Fin said before pulling Olivia into a hug.


	8. Returned

**A/N: TRIGGERS. Serious TRIGGERS. If you are easily triggered, then skip the sections that have Evan in it.**

 **Chapter Eight**

Olivia and the squad had been working around the clock.

"Hey, Liv. I found out Harris got released due to overcrowding in Riker's." Amanda said. "He's on the registry and he's on probation."

"It looks like he can't wait to go back." Olivia said tiredly. All she wanted was to find Evan and never let her out of her sight ever again. She couldn't sleep or eat. And knowing that Lowell had his hands on her daughter made her remember when he had her in the basement when she went undercover. Every second she was wondering if Evan was still alive. She was turning into a nervous wreck.

Fin walked into the office and sat in the chair in front of Olivia's desk. "You ok baby girl?" He asked.

"Do I look it?" Olivia shot back.

"The tapes show a man that has been identified as Brent Latimer walking up to Evan and then shoving her into the back of an unmarked van." Fin said.

"But, the DVD..." Amanda said. She was still green, she didn't know either of these perps.

"They're working together!" Olivia said standing up from her desk. "How did Latimer get out?"

"We're still working on finding that out. But get this, Latimer and Harris use to recreate together." Fin said.

"They both hated my guts." Olivia said softly. "They did this to get back at me." She felt like the walls were closing in on her. She never thought any of this would come back to bite her in the ass.

"It's gonna be ok Liv." Amanda said.

"Do you think she watched it?" Brent asked.

"Of course she watched it." Lowell said. He took a swig of his beer and put the empty bottle on the coffee table.

"You know when they put the pieces together, she'll come for us?" Brent asked.

"I know. In the meantime...we have a new toy to play with." Lowell said. He stood up and made his way down the hall. He walked into the room to see Evan sleeping. "Wakey, wakey princess." He said.

Evan sat up when she heard Lowell's voice. She was so scared. She was still shaken from when he touched her during that video they made. She could only guess what his next move would be.

"I think it's time to continue what we started yesterday princess." Lowell said. He sat on the bed and hovered over Evan. He leaned in to kiss her lips and growled when she turned away.

"Get off!" Evan shouted. She couldn't let this happen! Her Mother dealt with this for a living. No. Hell no. She started swinging her fists and surprised herself with one of them connected with his face.

Lowell sat back in surprise and wiped his lip. There was one drop of blood. "You little bitch!" He yelled. He reached his hand back and smacked Evan across the face with force. "Yeah, fight me sweetness, I like that."

"No! Stop! Please!" Evan screamed. She squirmed underneath him, but with one ankle cuffed and Lowell pinning her wrists above her head, there was nothing she could do.

Lowell let go of Evan's wrists and punched her in the face, knocking her out. "I really wanted you awake for this princess." He said. He started kissing on her and kneading her breasts. The feel of her young body was arousing him. He slid the nightie up and ripped the thong off and threw it across the room. He wasted no time before thrusting inside of Evan.

Evan came to because she felt a ripping pain in between her legs. She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Stop! Stop! Get off me! No!" She screamed. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"You're so tight." Lowell grunted. "You were a virgin, weren't you?"

"Man, what the hell are you doing?!" Brent said.

"Help me! Please!" Evan shouted.

"Get off her! She's just a kid!" Brent shouted.

"You should try her when I'm finished." Lowell said.

"You're fucking sick man! I didn't sign up for this shit!" Brent said. He looked at Evan one more time before turning around and running from the apartment. He was livid. Lowell had fucked up everything. Raping a kid was not part of the plan! He didn't want that hanging over his head. He decided to turn himself in.

"Liv, Harris's PO says he has an apartment in Queens." Fin said as he walked into her office.

"Let's go." Olivia said. She stood up and started strapping her gun and badge to her belt.

"Hold up Liv, we can't just go busting down his door with guns blazing." Fin said.

"HE HAS MY DAUGHTER!" Olivia yelled.

"I know, I know but we don't even know he's holding her there!" Fin said.

"This was obviously some elaborate scheme to get back at me!" Olivia said.

"We have to do this by the book, Liv." Fin said.

"Hey, Liv, there's something you need to see..." Amanda said.

"What now?!" Olivia said. She stormed out of her office and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Brent Latimer standing in the middle of her squad room. "You?! I'm gonna fucking kill you!" She screamed. She went to lunge at him but felt arms around her waist. "Get the fuck off me!" She snapped.

"If you kill him, we won't get Evan back." Fin whispered in her ear. His arms relaxed when he felt Olivia start to calm down.

"Nice to see you too Detective." Brent said with a smug look on his face. He had every intention on turning himself in but he never said he wouldn't be an asshole.

"Where's my daughter?!" Olivia asked through clenched teeth.

"You know...I was going to tell you until you got hostile at the sight of me." Brent said.

"Listen here you son of a bitch, we have you on video shoving my daughter into the back of that van, so you don't get to come in here and make any requests!" Olivia said.

Brent wanted to play cat and mouse some more but a vision of Evan being raped by Lowell flashed in his mind. "I'm here to turn myself in. I'll tell you where your kid is..." He said.

Lowell was raping Evan again when he heard his door bust open. He grunted and released inside of her when she screamed for help for the countless time. "You were wonderful princess." He said.

"Freeze you sick son of a bitch!" Fin said.

"Uncle Fin!" Evan cried.

"It's ok Sophie." Fin said. He held his gun on Lowell while Amanda moved into the room to get Evan.

"Oh, rabbit..." Amanda said softly. She covered Evan with a blanket and helped her up.

"Aunt Manda!" Evan whimpered and leaned into Amanda. "I want to go home."

"I know. Your Mom is right outside." Amanda said soothingly. She lead her outside where Olivia was waiting.

"Give her to me!" Olivia said running up to them.

"Get away from me!" Evan screamed.

"Baby, it's ok. You're safe now." Olivia said.

"No! I'll never be ok again!" Evan said. She turned away from her Mother and started crying. She couldn't stand for her Mom to look at her after what she let happen. It was all her fault. She knew it.


	9. Not just Another Victim

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update. I was busy working. And life happened. Just consider every chapter to have TRIGGERS until it doesn't. Xx Lex

Chapter Nine

Olivia felt like she had been punched in the chest. She had helped a countless number of victims but she couldn't help her own daughter. She didn't know whether she was supposed to approach this as a cop or as a Mother. She didn't know what to do. "Evie, baby, you have to go to the hospital." She said softly.

Evan was still tucked into Amanda's chest. She wished she was miles away right now. She wished what happened didn't happen. She wished her Mother wasn't looking at her the way she was looking at her. She wished her Mother wasn't talking to her the way she was talking to her. None of this should be happening. "I'm not going!" She cried.

"Bunny..." Amanda started.

"No Aunt Manda! I'm NOT going!" Evan said. She pushed away from Amanda and wrapped the blanket closer around her. "NO!"

Olivia stepped towards Evan and felt her heart crack more when Evan turned away from her. "Hey? Why won't you look at me Sweetheart?" She asked.

"Because I don't want you to look at me!" Evan snapped.

Before Olivia could respond, Fin walked out with Lowell in cuffs. "You son of a bitch!" She yelled as she ran up to him and jumped on him. "I am gonna fucking kill you!" She screamed while landing punches to his face.

Fin and Amanda struggled to pull Olivia off of Lowell.

"Liv stop! You'll kill really kill him!" Amanda said.

"Liv this isn't going to help Evan if you go to jail for murder!" Fin said.

They finally got Olivia off of him and started leading her to the ambulance Evan was in.

"Hey detective?! She was good too!" Lowell called after her.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks, pulled her gun and spun around, aiming for his head. "If you open your damn mouth one more time, I will shut it for you! Forever!"

"Jesus! Liv!" Amanda said. She grabbed Olivia's wrist. "Put your gun down. C'mon Liv. Think this through!"

"Why?! I could just save everyone a trial and kill him right now. You could all say I went insane and lost it!" Olivia reasoned tightening her grip on her weapon.

"Baby girl, look at Sophie..." Fin said softly.

That got Olivia's attention real quick. She lowered her gun and holstered it. "I'm sorry baby." She said.

"I want to go home..." Evan said pulling her knees to her chest on the gurney.

"Hospital first, then I'll take you home." Olivia said. She knew Evan wasn't just another victim. And she couldn't treat her as such. Above all else she was her daughter.

"Why?!" Evan whined. She should have been embarrassed but she had already had the worst day of her life so she didn't find it in herself to care.

"Because we need to collect evidence and make sure you're...ok." Olivia said. All she wanted to do was reach out and hold her baby.

"Do I look ok to you?! I don't want to!" Evan said.

"Don't you want him to go to jail for what he did to you?" Olivia asked.

"I don't care!" Evan said.

"Evan, I'm sorry but since you're a minor, you don't get a say." Olivia said. She hated to force it. She really did. But she knew her stubborn child wasn't going to budge.

"I won't give you the rape kit!" Evan said narrowing her eyes. She smirked because she thought she had won.

"As your Mother I can sign off on it for you." Olivia said placing her hands on her hips.

Checkmate.

Evan's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe her Mother was making her do this. She was so amped up avoiding going to the hospital she forgot about how much pain she was in. She slumped against the gurney and curled up into a ball. All the fight was gone out of her. "Whatever." She mumbled.

Olivia looked over to the EMT. "Ok, take us to Mount Sinai since it's closest." She said.

"Sure thing Detective Benson." The EMT said. She moved forward and tapped on the window to give instructions to her partner.

"We'll meet you over there Liv." Amanda said before stepping out of the ambulance and closing the doors.

"What's your name kiddo?" The EMT asked Evan.

"Evan...I know it's a boys name so fuck off if that's what you're about to say!" Evan said.

"Actually I was going to say it's cute." The EMT said. "My name is Cali."

"Hi Cali..." Evan said. She didn't understand why the woman was talking to her. Why couldn't the EMT take the hint like her Mother and leave her alone.

"Evan I can't imagine what you've been through...and I can understand you not wanting to be near people or have anyone touch you. So I'm gonna ask you if it's ok to start an IV and get some fluids into you." Cali said.

"Why don't you ask my Mom since no matter what I say, she'll override it anyway." Evan sassed.

"Cut it out Evan!" Olivia was trying not to lose her patience with her daughter, given what she had been through but she was getting to the end of her rope.

Evan huffed. "Do I have to have the IV?" She asked.

"If I do it, you won't have to get one later when they check you in." Cali said.

"Ok." Evan said.

Cali explained to her step by step what she was doing and immediately backed off.

Thankfully it had already been called in and everyone had been given instructions to proceed with extreme care and not bombard Evan when they got to the hospital.

"Hi Evan, I'm Azalea. I'll be your nurse today."

They got Evan a private room and waited for Amanda to come take her statement after the rape kit was done.

"I'm not saying anything in front of my Mom!" Evan said.

"Bunny, you know you're gonna have to talk to her at some point right?" Amanda said.

"I...I can't!" Evan said breaking into sobs. Finally after the last few days she allowed herself to cry.

"Your Mom loves you more than anything in the world. There's nothing you can say that she probably hasn't heard on the job before." Amanda said.

"It was my fault! It wasn't supposed to happen to me!" Evan snapped.

Amanda wrapped her arms around Evan and held her loosely. "Honey, your Mother would never blame you. It wasn't your fault."

"She doesn't have to! I blame myself enough for everyone!" Evan said as she shoved Amanda away from her.

"Ok, time out. Let's just take a breath. You don't want your Mom in here, fine." Amanda said. She really didn't know how to offer the compassion Olivia does for the victims. But she would try her best for her niece. She sat down in the chair next to the bed and pulled out her notepad and pen. "Start from the day you were taken Bunny."

"I went to the café to get me and Mom something to eat. When I came outside I bumped into a man. When I looked up I recognized the man that came up to Mom a couple weeks ago. I tried to get away but he pressed a gun into my stomach and then he grabbed me and shoved me into the van. I remembered I had my phone with me so I snuck it out of my pocket to send Mom a text but the man driving saw me in the rearview mirror saw me. The man who put me in the van reached around and snatched it from me and threw it out the window. I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up I was being yanked out of the van and up the stairs. When they opened the door, the first man asked what they were gonna do with me now and the one who drove said to put me in the room. When the guy brought me in there, he pushed me on the bed and chained my ankle with the cuff and lock... Can we stop now? Please...I'm tired." Evan said. Even though she had paused a few times it was still too much. It was getting closer and closer to talking about what happened that morning and she wasn't ready. She would rather die first.

"Sure sweetie, but the sooner we get this over with while it's fresh in your mind, the better." Amanda said.

"While it's fresh in my mind?" Evan repeated softly. "While. It's. Fresh. In. My. Mind?!" She said raising her voice. "How the fuck am I EVER supposed to forget it?!" She yelled.

"That's not what I meant." Amanda said.

"Get out! Just get the fuck out!" Evan yelled.

Amanda didn't want to upset her further so she left without another word. She leaned against the wall and wiped the tears that had leaked out.

"How is she?" Olivia asked as she walked up to Amanda.

"She's angry at herself and hurting. God, Liv she's like a different person!" Amanda said.

"Does she hate me?" Olivia asked her voice thick with unshed tears. "Cause I don't...how would...if my baby hates me..." She finally burst into tears.

Amanda pulled Olivia into a hug. "Honey, she doesn't hate you. Talk to your daughter! Be there for her even when she acts like she doesn't want you."

Olivia wiped her tears up and nodded. "I will. I'm gonna go in there now."

"I'll be in to get the rest of her statement later." Amanda said.

Olivia nodded before stepping into the room. "Evie?" She called.

"Mom?! Get out! Go away!" Evan shouted from the bathroom.

"Not a chance." Olivia said standing by the door.

"Please just leave me...ouch! Fuck! Leave me alone!" Evan said. She was done. After Amanda left she went into the bathroom and broke the mirror and started cutting herself with one of the larger pieces. She was manic. She couldn't stop. She didn't want to.

"What are you doing in there?" Olivia asked. After a few moments of silence, she was done being patient. "I'm coming in..." She said. She turned the door handle and the first thing she saw was the broken mirror and broken glass on the floor. Then she saw her daughter huddled in the corner with blood pooling around her. "Evan?! What the hell have you done?!" She cries. She falls to her knees to apply pressure to the gashes on her daughters wrists, ignoring broken glass shards digging into her knees. She reaches up and pulls the emergency cord in the bathroom and pulls Evan into her lap. "I have you baby, I have you. Stay with me."

A/N: Because of the fact I didn't want to trigger myself, I left out Evan's rape kit and the collection of evidence. Hopefully no one is too upset about that.


	10. Emotions Running High

**A/N: I'm sorry it has been so long since I updated. This story is triggering until it isn't. Multi-chapter update for you tonight. XxLex**

 **Chapter Ten**  
Olivia kept pressure on the gashes until nurses and a doctor lifted Evan out of her arms. It had only taken seconds but it felt like hours. She couldn't look. She didn't want to. What if her daughter was dead? Why didn't she see this coming? What the hell was wrong with her? Was she such a bad Mother that she let her own daughter go through this? No, no she wasn't. 'Stop it! You're Olivia Benson. You're a hard ass Sergeant. And you are a good Mother! Now stop crying like a little bitch and go in there and be your little girls rock!' She thought. She had to give herself a pep talk and pull it together. She walked out of the room to see a nurse trying to hold Evan's injured arm down, the doctor stitching her up and another nurse trying to hold her other arm still so she couldn't scratch or hit them. "What the hell are you doing?!" She demanded as she rushed over to them.

"Sorry, Miss Benson but she kept fighting us. We have to get her arm stitched up." The Doctor said, barely glancing Olivia's way.

Olivia pulled one of the nurses away. "If anyone is going to hold my daughters hand it's going to be me." She said. She grabbed Evan's hand and held it close to her body. "Hey sweetheart, you have to let the doctor fix you up. Calm down. Mommy's here."

"You should have fucking let me die! Don't you get it?! I deserve to fucking die! I'm disgusting! I'm a fat, worthless whore!" Evan shouted.

Hearing the words fly out of her daughters mouth left her breathless. She shook her head to keep it together. "No baby girl none of that is true. You had no control over what happened to you. As long as there is breathe in my body I will never let you die if I can stop it."

"Fuck y- ow!" Evan cried out as a needle was jammed into her arm. She started to cry and then drifted off.

Olivia looked up at the nurse who had stuck Evan with the needle ready to attack.

"It's a sedative Miss Benson. I can't stitch her up with her squirming around and she was becoming hysterical and violent." The Doctor said.

"If you do that without my permission again, I'll have your job. You got that?" Olivia said.

"If this was a suicide attempt, we will have to move her to the psych ward." The doctor explained to Olivia after the room was cleared out.

"It wasn't." Olivia said with a tired sigh.

"How can you be so sure?" The doctor asked.

"I've been around victims for 18 years and Evan has been my daughter her whole life." Olivia said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You may think you know your daughter Miss Benson, but people change after traumatic experiences." The doctor said.

"And I have more experience in that area than you!" Olivia snapped. "I want another doctor." She said turning away from the man.

"I'm sorry Miss Benson." The doctor muttered before swiftly leaving the room.

Olivia sunk down into the chair by Evan's bed and held her hand. "The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I didn't even know I was pregnant with you until I was already four months along. I didn't think it would ever happen and there you were, my little miracle. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you on the monitor, sucking your thumb. You are everything to me Evan. I'll never give up on you. One day we are going to heal from this, I promise baby girl."

Evan woke up with a start. She looked over the hospital room before seeing her Mother asleep in the chair. She sighed. 'Great! Way to fuck everything up!' She thought. She looked down at the bandage on her arm and frowned. She wasn't trying to kill herself but she didn't exactly care either. Her life was over anyway.

Olivia felt Evan shuffling around and immediately sat up. "Hi baby girl." She said leaning up to kiss her daughter on the cheek.

"Don't." Evan said.

"We have to talk honey." Olivia said.

"About what?" Evan mumbled.

"Are you serious? Everything! Geez Evan! You were kidnapped and beaten and raped and you almost died! Don't you think we need to talk?" Olivia said.

"What good is talking going to do?" Evan asked.

"And what good will it do if I come home and find you dead because you didn't?" Olivia shot back.

"What am I supposed to say? You saw me! You know what happened Mom!" Evan said.

"So, you think because I listen to stories like this all day at work that I don't want to hear your story and it doesn't matter?" Olivia asked. "Your story matters even more sweetheart..." She says softly. She grabs Evan's hand and kisses it.

"Why would you want to hear it?" Evan asked.

"Because your pain is my pain." Olivia said. "I can't change what happened, but I sure as hell can be there for you and listen when you have something to say. And I want to hear everything you have to say."

"H-he called me fat...he touched me...he hit me...he raped me!" Evan said through sobs.

Olivia couldn't resist any longer. She climbed on the bed and pulled Evan against her. "Oh, baby it's ok. Mommy is here now."

"How is it ever gonna be ok again Mom?" Evan asked.

"Because I won't ever leave you alone in this." Olivia said. "We just have to take it minute by minute until we can take it day by day."

Evan snuggles closer to her Mother, which isn't hard on the small hospital bed and takes a deep breathe. "Were you really going to kill him?" She asked.

"Yes." Olivia answered without hesitation.

"Do you really want to know everything?" Evan asked.

"When you're ready to tell me." Olivia said.

"What if I'm never ready?" Evan asked.

"Then, I'll still be there for you anyways." Olivia said.

Soon enough, unable to fight it anymore, Olivia and Evan fell asleep. Both having their own nightmares of the hell they had just been through.


	11. Lying is an Artform

**A/N: This chapter isn't as triggering as others. It's more of a filler chapter before the real fun starts. Xx Lex**

A knock on the door woke Olivia and Evan from a restless sleep.

Olivia cleared her throat before telling whoever was on the other side of the door to come in.

Amanda popped her head in and smiled when she saw Mother and daughter snuggled together. "Hey Bunny." She said.

"Hey Aunt Manda." Evan said.

"Do you feel like talking today?" Amanda asked.

"Not really." Evan mumbled.

"I understand sweet pea, but, I need the rest of your statement." Amanda said cautiously.

"Amanda, can I talk to you outside?" Olivia asked. Her eyes were pleading with Amanda not to press the envelope.

"Sure, Liv." Amanda said. She followed Olivia out.

"What's going on?" Amanda asked as soon as they were out of Evans earshot.

"After you left yesterday, I found Evan in the bathroom. She broke the mirror in there and cut herself." Olivia said.

Amanda covered her mouth. "Jesus! Why didn't you call me?!" She said.

"I was a little busy, you know, making sure she didn't bleed to death." Olivia answered with an eye roll.

"Sorry...It's just...I was just in the room with her..." Amanda said.

Olivia squeezed Amanda's arm. "Hey, she's ok. But I don't think she's ready to talk. Maybe when I get her home." She said.

"Well I do have some news about the case." Amanda said.

Olivia nodded her head towards the door and they went back in the room.

"Did you tell her what a freak I am?!" Evan said the second her Mother and Aunt walked into the room.

"You are not a freak!" Olivia argued.

"Oh really?! What else do you call someone who cuts themselves?" Evan asked venomously.

"Someone who's hurting." Olivia said softly.

"Bunny, I don't think you're a freak. I know you are hurt and you felt like that was your only outlet." Amanda said.

"Whatever." Evan scoffed, folding her arms.

"I know you need a little more time to finish your statement, but I have some news for you." Amanda said. "Brent Latimer confessed to everything and turned on Lowell Harris."

"Ok...so?" Evan said. Was she supposed to be throwing him a parade?

"So, that means your involvement in the trial will be minimal." Amanda asked.

"This is good news sweetheart." Olivia said.

"Can we go home now?" Evan asked. She was starting to shutdown. She didn't want to talk about what happened nor did she want to stay in this hospital any longer.

"Because of yesterday's...incident they will most likely have you meet with a shrink before I can get you out of here." Olivia said.

"Ok...but can you hurry? I just really want to go home and sleep in my own bed." Evan said. She would kiss anyone's ass to get out.

"Ok babe. Sit tight, I'll be right back." Olivia said.

"You know you can talk to me about anything right?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, I know." Evan said.

"I'm gonna head out, but I'll be over later tonight." Amanda said.

"Ok..." Evan said.

Not long after Amanda left, Olivia came back with a red headed woman with bright green eyes.

"Evie, this is Marion Turner. She's the psychiatrist here." Olivia said.

"Hello Evan." Marion said holding out her hand to Evan.

Evan loosely shook the woman's hand. "Hi..."

"They tell me you cut yourself last night and had to get stitched up." Marion said settling into the chair next to Evan's bed. "I was hoping you could tell me a little bit about that."

Evan wasn't an idiot. She had seen enough of her Mom's job and watched enough TV to know if she wanted to get out of there that she had to play along. Lying is an art form. And she was well practiced. "Um...I guess so. Yesterday after things settled down, my Aunt Manda was asking me about what happened and I wasn't ready to tell her so, I asked her to leave me alone. When she left the room, I went in the bathroom and broke the mirror and started cutting myself. I wasn't trying to kill myself, I swear! I just wanted everything to stop." She said.

"Was that the first time you cut yourself?" Marion asked.

"No..." Evan said looking at the wall.

"I'd like to see you twice a week for starters." Marion said.

"What?!" Evan screeched.

"You've suffered a very traumatic experience. You're going to need counseling." Marion said.

Evan looked over at her Mother. "Do I have to?" She asked with a whine.

"Do you wanna go home today?" Olivia said.

"Fine!" Evan snapped. She looked over at the doctor. "Can you let me outta here now?"

"I'll be right back." Marion said with a smile.

Soon enough Evan was released.

Olivia unlocked the door to their home and ushered Evan inside. "Go ahead and get settled and I'll get started on dinner." She said.

Evan walked into her room and looked around as if she hadn't been there for awhile. It felt different. Strange. She walked into her bathroom and stripped off the hospital issued sweats. Then she stared at herself. She took a good look at the bruises and cuts. She looked over every inch of her body.

 _"You could lose a few pounds anyway!"_

Lowell's cruel voice rang out in her head.

Evan put on a matching sweat set and headed back into her room and reached under her mattress to pull out her journal. Where she wrote two sentences:

 **I hate my fucking life. Lose weight you fat whore!**

All Evan wanted to do was cut some more but since she just got out of the hospital she figured she better cool it.

"Honey, dinner is ready. I made your favorite." Olivia said as she walked into the room.

"I'm not hungry." Evan said. Couldn't her Mother see how big she was getting? Why would she want to keep feeding her.

"Did...did they...did they take turns with you?" Olivia blurted out. Usually she had a lot more tact in asking but it was one of the many questions gnawing away at her.

"What?! No!" Evan cried.

"I'm sorry babe. But we really need to talk..." Olivia said.

"Just go to work like you always do and fucking ignore me! Just leave me here to rot!" Evan snapped.

"Stop it!" Olivia said. Tears pricked at her eyes as she took a deep breathe and stepped towards her daughter. "I understand that you have just been to hell and back but we are not going to make it if we are torn apart." She said with tears flowing down her cheeks. She pulled Evan into her arms and held you. "I love you. You're my number one."

Evan didn't hug her Mother back but she didn't pull away either. She just stood there. She just stood there feeling revolting and hating herself. Tears of her own flowed down her cheeks. How was anything ever going to get better when she felt so broken?


	12. Remains of Who She Was

**A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since an update. Again, every chapter is triggering until it isn't.**  
 **XXLex**  
Evan lay in her bed whimpering and tossing from side to side. "Please! Stop! No! Don't! STOP!" She screams the final word, bolts upright and looks around her room frantically.

Olivia rushes into the room, flicking on the light. "Baby? You're ok. You're home now." She says as she walks towards the bed.

Evan pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. "I'm sorry I woke you." She said quietly.

"It's ok sweetie. You've been asleep for hours. Do you want something to eat?" Olivia asks as she sits on the edge of the bed.

Lowell's words come back and echo menacingly inside Evan's head. She shakes her head. "No."

Olivia sighs. "Evan..." She felt so fucking useless. "I don't know what to do, honey. Seeing you like this is tearing me apart."

Evan turned away and laid on her side facing the wall. "Then don't look at me." She said barely above a whisper. She felt awful, really. She didn't mean to be so frigid towards her Mother. She just couldn't seem to get out of her head. Everything was a reminder of him.

"Evan..." Olivia said with tears in her voice.

"What?" Evan said with no emotion.

Olivia sighed. She was trying to figure out how they went from happy to shambles in what seemed seconds flat. "I need you to tell me what you need baby." She finally said.

"What I need is for you to leave me alone." Evan said.

Olivia shook her head. "Uh uh...I can't do that. I will do anything in the world for you but I'm not leaving you alone right now."

Evan's bottles up anger over the last week blew up. "I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" She shouted. She climbed off the bed, stormed into her bathroom and locked the door. She slid down to the floor, yanked the towel from the rack, pressed her face into it and screamed. She took a ragged breathe as sobs racked her body and reached to the cabinet in front of her and searched around for the stash of razors she kept in there. She finally found one hidden in her make up bag. She yanked her sweat pants down and stared at her bruised thighs. Tears blurred her vision as she remembered Lowell forcing her thighs open. She was tired of thinking about him. She just wanted it all to stop. She took the blade across her thighs, pressing hard. She sliced over and over again until she felt the buzz of adrenaline rushing through her body. She finally felt like she could breathe. She stared at the weeping cuts as the blood trickled down onto the floor beneath her. She was in a haze. She was riding a high she never wanted to come down from.

"Evan?! Evan open this door dammit!" Olivia cries. She had been calling out to her child for the past five minutes.

Evan snapped out of it when her Mom started pounding on the door. "Shit!" She pressed the towel against the cuts, hissing at the pain it brought. For a split second she wondered if she had gotten too carried away and in the next she didn't give a damn.

"Evan...what the hell are you doing in there?" Olivia asked.

"I'm...uh...getting ready to take a bath so...just leave me alone ok?" Evan said. She stood on wobbly legs and turned the knob to the tub. Her thigh was burning now but she was reveling in the pain.

"I don't think so. Not until you unlock this door!" Olivia said. She was getting ready to ram it down if she had to.

"Please...I don't want you to see me..." Evan whimpered.

"Honey, I gave birth to you, I changed your diapers, I've seen you naked hundreds of times." Olivia said trying to lighten the mood.

"But you didn't see..." Evan trailed off. Her stomach twisted into a hard knot and she wished she could throw up to alleviate it.

Olivia sighed. She had only seen her daughter's bruised face at the hospital, not her battered body. "Do you think that me seeing you like that is going to change anything? I'm your Mom, I will never ever stop loving you." She said.

Evan choked on a sob at Olivia's words. She knew they were true. She just couldn't deal. "I know...but can you please just leave me for a bit?" She begged.

"Ok honey, but please, please don't shut me out." Olivia said. She kept her hand against the door a moment longer before reluctantly leaving the room.

Evan turned to stare at herself in the mirror. She reminded herself of a corpse. She almost laughed when she thought about it. Then she frowned and wondered if maybe she was a corpse now. She was just remains. A shell of who she once was.


	13. What Justice?

**A/N: Sorry I've been away for so long! In an effort to make up for it here is a multi chapter update. As always chapters are triggering until they aren't.**

 **Lex**

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Olivia shouts into the receiver. She reaches her boiling point with Barba's final words and pressed harshly on the end button.

Evan came stumbling out of her room with bed head and dried drool on her face to see what her Mom was shouting about. "Wha happen?" She asked half asleep.

"Good morning baby girl." Olivia said.

"Why were you yelling?" Evan asked again.

Olivia sighed. "Come sit on the couch." She said quietly. She held her hand out and smiled when Evan took it.

"Are you gonna tell me why you were yelling?" Evan asked.

"That was Barba. He says that Lowell asked for a deal." Olivia says slowly.

"What k-kind of deal?" Evan asks. Just hearing the mans name sent her heart racing almost painfully in her chest.

"If he pleads guilty he doesn't want the death sentence." Olivia snarled.

"Can they do that?!" Evan asked. "You put him away once already!"

"I know baby. I know. The system sucks. They are willing to wave the death sentence, just to wrap your case up." Olivia said.

"This is bullshit! Basically he's getting away for raping me!" Evan shouted. She punched the arm of the couch. "What kind of justice is this?!"

"I know honey." Olivia said soothingly. She looked Evan over and saw a dark wet spot on the thigh of her sweat pants. "Evan...what...have you been cutting?"

Evan's eyes bulged. 'Fuck!' She thought. "No..." She lied. Unconvincingly of course.

"Let me see." Olivia said.

"No!" Evan said. She stood up and stomped her foot.

"Let me see." Olivia said standing up as well.

"Go to hell! I ain't dropping my pants!" Evan snapped. She was more angry at herself for losing control and cutting so deeply.

"Evan Sophia Benson! Enough!" Olivia said. "I need to see to make sure you don't need stitches. I will look where I need to." With that she stepped forward and pulled Evan's sweats down. She gasped when she saw the gashes on her baby's thighs.

Evan wrapped her arms around herself and started crying. "I'm sorry Mom." She mumbled.

"Evan..." Olivia's voice broke. She felt so helpless. Her child was falling apart. She had to do something! She gently pushed her daughter onto the couch while she went to go fetch the first aid kit. When she came back out of her bedroom with the first aid kit in her hand, she started cleaning the cuts, applying ointment and bandages. She just decided silence was the best option. She was angry. Angry for what happened to her little girl. Angry that virtually nothing was being done about it. Angry that her daughter was doing this to her body.

Evan watched as her Mom patched her up and bit her lip. She had never seen her Mom like this. And she was trying to keep the images of Lowell's hands on her body out of her mind. She knew her Mom would never hurt her. She cleared her throat to get her Mom's attention, "Mom?"

"You have a therapy session tomorrow morning." Olivia said standing up and gathering the wrappers and scraps. She turned on her heel and headed for the kitchen.

Evan pulled up her sweats and followed her Mom into the kitchen. She leaned against the door way and shoved her hands into her pockets after putting her hair into a messy bun. "Mom? Will you look at me?" She asked timidly.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Olivia asked. She started opening up cabinets and pulling down ingredients for waffles. "Could you get the waffle maker out?" She said.

"Can you look at me please?!" Evan shouted.

Olivia looked at Evan and tears immediately filled her eyes. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm just so, so angry. First because of what happened to you. Then because nothing is being done. And finally because you're doing this thing to yourself!"

Evan threw her arms around her Mom. "I'm sorry Mommy! It's my fault! I should have paid more attention!" She cried.

Olivia gently pulled Evan away from her so she could look her in the eye. "What happened to you wasn't your fault." She said sternly. "No matter what he told you. It was NOT your fault. Do you hear me?"

Evan nodded. She didn't know what else to say.

"I hope your little hunger strike is over because you're not getting up from the table until you eat at least two waffles." Olivia said trying to lighten the mood.

Evan started to freak out. Couldn't her Mom see how fat she was? She had to think of something fast. "I'm not hungry!" She said.

"Evan...no...just no. It's been days. You need to eat something." Olivia said. She was putting her foot down because it wasn't healthy. She wasn't going to let her child starve to death on top of everything else.

"Fine." Evan grumbled. She sat at the table and crossed her arms and pouted like a five year old would. She ate two waffles. Even though the whole time she felt like she was going to throw up. Then she escaped to her room and pulled out her laptop to look up ways to lose weight. She typed 'easy weightloss' into the search bar and all sorts of things popped up from diet pills to low carb. None of which caught her interest. She was just about to give up when she found a site, little did she know how much of an impact this site would have on her life. She clicked the link, created a username and posted her first thread.

'My Mom just made me eat two waffles. What do I do?'

Within two minutes she had a reply.

'If you have just eaten them and drank a lot of liquids you could throw them up :)'

Evan wasn't expecting this sort of help. Yet, she hadn't realized what kind of site she had stumbled onto.

'I've never thrown up before...'

'It's easy, you just bend over the toilet and stick your fingers down your throat.'

'I just need to lose weight...'

'You can eat whatever you want and lose weight this way :)'

Evan signed off and stepped into her bathroom. She stood in front of her toilet, staring into the bowl contemplating if she really should do this. It didn't take much to convince her when Lowell's words came back to the front and center of her thoughts. 'Fuck it!' She thought. She bent over and stuck her fingers to the back of her throat. She gagged, choked and coughed at first. And absolutely nothing came out. She decided to try again and some of the waffles came up. She did it again and again and finally she was empty. She flushed the toilet and swished some mouthwash around in her mouth. Her heart was racing and she felt all floaty. She liked the feeling. She couldn't wait to do it again.


	14. No Turning Back

Evan didn't sleep at all the night before. She had dark circles under her eyes. She sat against her headboard with her laptop in her lap. She had logged on to the website and was scrolling through the threads. She clicked on the pinned post at the top of the page.

WARNING: If you are a healthy person looking for weight loss tips, turn around and go back now. The people on this site are mentally ill and some live a pro eating disorder lifestyle . We do not accept wannabes here. It's either in you already or it isn't.

Evan knew that she should have just logged out and deleted her profile but she couldn't. There was no turning back now. She was like a person who tried drugs for the first time. She had a taste for more. She went to her profile and decided to customize it. On another tab she searched for weight loss quotes and copied and pasted them into the bar that would create her background. Then with her webcam she took a picture of her thighs. Finally she named herself brokenwings15. By the time she finished all that she heard her Mother up and moving around. She opened up a new thread and started typing.

'Last night was the first time I threw up and I liked it.'

Her computer chimed letting her know she had a response and she was going to open it until she heard her Mom at her door. She quickly shut the lid to her laptop and shoved it under the covers on the other side of her bed.

"Good morning. How long have you been up?" Olivia asked. She crept into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Awhile." Evan said. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and she was staring at the wall with a picture of the leaning tower of Pisa on it.

"What do you want to do today? Do you want to go to the pier?" Olivia asked.

"If it's ok with you I would just like to be left alone and stay in bed." Evan said.

"It's not ok Evie. None of this is ok." Olivia said.

"Well, I'm sorry! Ok?! I'm fucking sorry that I got suspended which lead to me getting kidnapped. And I'm really fucking sorry I let myself get raped! I'm sorry I'm so fucking stupid! I'm sorry I'm fat! I'm fucking sorry for being born!" Evan shouted. By the time she was done letting out that much self hatred she was tired. She kicked the covers off of herself and stormed into the bathroom where she promptly slammed and locked the door.

Olivia sat there shocked and unable to move. She was processing all the hateful words that had spilled from her child's mouth. Suddenly she burst into sobs and held her face in her hands. She didn't know what else to do.

Evan was sitting against the door crying. And hearing her Mom cry did nothing but made her feel worse. 'What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why am I even like this?!' She thought. She couldn't take it anymore. She reached in front of her and yanked open the cabinet and grabbed her blade. She stood and yanked down her pants and underneath the bandages her Mom put on her yesterday, she began dragging the blade across her thigh. She didn't know how many times she had done it, she didn't care. Relief flooded her body and she slumped against the door watching the blood seep out and onto the tile underneath her. She was in a haze.

Olivia's tears had slowed. She was slowly pulling herself together. She walked over to the door and tried the handle. "Evan...open the door honey. You have a therapy session today." She said. Silence. She was met with utter silence. "Evan! Open this door right now!" She started to panic. She was almost certain of what Evan was doing in there. She started to ram the door.

Evan snapped out of it when she heard the door begin to crack. "Mom?! What the hell are you doing?!" She stood up and pulled up her pants. She didn't even bother to clean up the pool of blood on the floor.

Olivia finally busted the door open. "I know what the hell you were doing! And another thing, you are going to stop cussing at me!" She looked at the floor and sighed. "This terrifies me...one day I'm scared that you're going to cut yourself so deeply that you'll bleed to death and I'm not gonna be here." Her voice began to crack and tears started to spill over.

"I just don't care." Evan said softly. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"That scares me even more Evan!" Olivia said. "Im going to clean this up and you're going to go get changed for your session with Doctor Turner."

"Kay..." Evan said. She turned on her heels and stalked into her bedroom. She didn't bother bandaging the new cuts. She just yanked her sweats off and left them pooled in the floor and slipped into some yoga pants. She slipped on some moccasins and a hoodie and went into the living room to flop down on the couch. She pulled out her phone and earbuds and started listening to music. Then she logged onto the website and checked her notifications.

'I should warn you that you're about to head down a very dangerous and addictive path.'

Someone named queenofthenight replied.

Evan didn't care though. She remembered the high she got from puking. She wanted that feeling again.

'I understand...is it bad I want to do it again?'

Evan replied.

Olivia walked out to the living room in a similar outfit to her daughter's. "Let's go." She said.

Evan got off the couch and followed her Mom out of their home.

The silence in the car was tense.

Evan didn't know what to say.

Olivia didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Evan said quietly. She pulled out one of her earbuds.

Olivia squeezed the steering wheel. "Honey please stop apologizing." She said tiredly.

"But I am sorry Mom." Evan said.

"It's not your fault baby." Olivia said. She pulled up to the building and cut the ignition. "Let's go. We're already late." She said while unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car.

Evan sighed and took off her seatbelt and got out of the car. She walked in to see her Mom and Doctor Turner talking.

"Hello Evan. How are you doing today?" Marion asked.

"I'm pretty sure my Mom already told you." Evan said.

"She did, but I want to hear it from you. Let's go into my office." Marion said.

Evan followed Marion into her office with a backward glance at her Mom. She was ruining everything.

"Evan, why don't you tell me when you first began cutting yourself." Marion said.

"When my Mom started spending more time at work last year. She missed my birthday." Evan mumbled.

"So you cut yourself?" Marion asked.

"At first it was an accident." Evan said.

"Until you realized you liked it?" Marion asked.

Evan's eyes went wide. "How did you know?"

"I was a cutter too." Marion said. "I cut so I didn't have to deal with my feelings."

Evan didn't say anything. What could she say?

"Do you only cut yourself? What about burning or wrist banging?" Marion asked.

"No. What the fuck?" Evan said.

"You'd be surprised how many ways people find to hurt themselves." Marion said.

After Doctor Turner finished her evaluation she pulled Olivia into her office to talk to her and discuss how they could team up to help Evan through her trauma.

When Olivia and Evan got back home, Evan went into the kitchen and helped herself to a large bowl of chips and a sandwich.

"I'm glad to see you eating." Olivia said.

"Mhm." Evan hummed in agreement. She had already planned to get rid of it. The high from her cutting had long ago worn off and she was after a longer lasting method.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Olivia asked. She was almost afraid Evan would reject her.

"Uh...sure...I'm just gonna use the bathroom." Evan said. She was itching to get into the bathroom and jam her fingers down her throat.

"You're not going to cut are you?" Olivia asked. Doctor Turner had talked to her at length about knowing Evan was cutting her and not being able to stop her.

"No I'm not. You wanna watch?" Evan said smartly.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Go. But I'm timing you." She said.

Evan nearly skipped into her bathroom. She closed the door and locked it before running the water and jamming her fingers down her throat repeatedly. Once her throat was burning and heart was pounding and her head was light, she flushed and rinsed out her mouth. She flopped down next to her Mom on the couch. "Let's do this!"


	15. Coping Skills

Chapter 15

Over the past three weeks Evan had become obsessed with purging. She was doing it quite often. She bought a scale so she could keep track of how much weight she was gaining or losing. She kept a small notebook of what she ate, how many calories was in it and what time she ate it and what time she purged.

Olivia noticed a change in her right off the back. The more she tried to talk to Evan the further Evan pulled away from her.

"Evie! Honey! I'm home!" Olivia called through the house as she shrugged off her coat. She dropped her keys and purse on the couch and headed towards her daughter's room. As she got closer she heard music blaring. "Baby?" She said knocking.

Evan coughed as she walked out of her bathroom and her eyes bulged at the sight of her mother standing in her room. "Hey mom..."

"What were you doing just now?" Olivia asked. Her hands planting themselves on her hips.

"I was sick." Evan lied. Mentally she was patting herself on the back for being prepared in case she got caught.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" Olivia asked. She pressed her palm to Evan's forehead to check for fever.

"Maybe it was the leftover Chinese." Evan said with a pout. Considering she ate all four leftover cartons it technically wasn't a lie.

"We've had that since Saturday and it's only Tuesday babe." Olivia said.

"I know but maybe it spoiled when we left it out a few hours before we stuck it in the fridge." Evan said. The last thing she wanted to do was get caught. She couldn't have this taken away from her too.

"Maybe, but I'm gonna get you some ginger ale and some chicken broth." Olivia said. " You look really pale honey. Lay down." She added before leaving the room.

Evan sighed in relief when Olivia left. She felt bad for lying. But the purging was hers and she had to protect it.

Olivia stood in the doorway, looking at Evan with a tray of saltines, ginger ale and chicken broth. She took in the crease in her brow, the dark circles under her eyes. She wondered to herself 'has she lost weight?' She decided to keep an eye on that. "What are you thinking about sweetheart?" She finally asks.

Evan flinches. Startled by the sound of her Mother's voice. Then she slips the mask back into place. "I...it's nothing really. I'm ok." She lied. Horribly.

They both knew it.

"Evan...honey if you're having a problem you can talk to me. I know that I've gone back to work but that doesn't mean I won't come home if you need me." Olivia said. She was begging to be let in. She hated being shut out.

"I don't want to talk. What will it fix?" Evan said.

"It will help lessen the burden you're carrying on your shoulders. Let me help you carry it sweetheart." Olivia said.

Evan's lip slightly trembled. Her Mother's words got to her more than she wanted to admit. But she was handling it fine. By herself. She had her coping skills.

Olivia sat down on the bed. "Honey, you're losing weight. You're not sleeping. It hurts me so much to see you this way." She said. Tears of her own we're pricking her eyes. She wanted to hold her daughter so much.

"What am I supposed to do mom?! Don't you wish I could forget about it? Don't you think I haven't tried?" Evan said. She was holding back tears. She just wanted her Mom to leave her alone so she could cry her eyes out.

"Oh baby girl." Olivia said. Her voice trembled. She scooted closer to Evan and pulled her into her arms.

"No!" Evan cried. She squirmed to get free from her Mother's arms. "Don't hold me! I'm disgusting." She got up and stormed into her bathroom where she promptly locked the door.

Olivia broke into sobs and left Evan's room. She walked into the family room and collapsed on the couch. She pulled out her phone and hit the speed dial. "I think you need to come over here." Are the words she uttered when the person she called answered.


End file.
